Trust, what is it? Since I was young I have had a problem understanding the true definition of a friend. I wanted everybody to be my friend. This was a problem because not everyone was going to like me or want to be my friend. I was a crybaby. I did not know the real me, and it was going to take time to learn who I was. A person could be 50 years old, still trying to find themselves.
Since I have a smart mouth, I had many altercations with the people I called friends. Occasionally, this was okay because who does not argue? However, when it happened too much I would reconsider the friendship.
I have a hard time trusting people, so when I did put my trust in someone, I would normally trust them with my life. Nonetheless, even the people I thought were there for me, turned out to be the ones I really had to watch.
How could I honestly know when to trust someone? Not everyone is worthy of trust. When the people I trusted proved untrustworthy, then I would put my guard up, completely.
I have only had one real friend since I was in the fifth grade. I had hung out with other classmates, but later learned they were not my friends. My best friend and I were always together. We did everything with one another. We wore our hair the same way and we were picked on together.
I made a dumb decision and hurt her feelings when we were younger, but I was genuinely sorry and apologized. We got past that and moved on, or at least I thought we did. As children grow older they learn there are things they should do and those they should not, when they have a best friend. Eventually, she crossed me, then tried to lie about it, so I had to let her go. It broke my heart but this may have been for the better. After she crossed me it seemed like everybody else I put my trust in came right behind her and jilted me too. So now I prefer to be alone.
As long as other people found me beneficial, they would be good to me, stay close to me, and tell me anything I wanted to hear. Once they had what they wanted from me, they were done with me. When I trusted someone, I did not see the bad in them right away. However, when I finally saw the real person, it is like a smack in the face.
Eventually, I learned that when people realized I was no longer useful to them, they would begin to show their true colors. Sometimes I had to tell people, “No,” to see who was really there for me and if they left, then I knew they were using me.
One way I would use to figure out if I could trust somebody was by giving them, only them, a piece of juicy information. Then I would watch their reaction and wait to see if the information spread. I am really good at this and I have told people some outrageous stuff, which they believed. It is all about how I sell the story. When I tell somebody something, who never had good intentions from the start, they would take the information I had given them and try to throw it in my face. What they do not know, is that the story is a lie.
People are supposed to know what I want them to know, not everything about me, regardless of who they are. My problem was I thought I had to tell it all, and I would put myself in a hole that I would not be able to get out of.
Trust, what is it? In my personal experience, not everyone is to be trusted. Regardless of who they are because not everyone has good intentions.
I learned that a listening ear can also be a running mouth.
It is okay to move in silence. Once I had been crossed so many times, I was not willing to let anybody else in or trust another soul. After all, who is to say they would not do the same to me that everyone else did?
When I am jilted, anger builds inside me especially, when the person I thought would always be there is the one who crosses me. I do not trust a soul and it should not be that way. However, at this point, what choice do I have?
By Davida Thompson
Edited by Jeanette Smith
Image Courtesy of Ozge Gurer Vatandas’ Flickr Page – Creative Commons License