October 28 means only one thing in America: there are only three more days until Halloween. With that in mind, the October 28 recap on Slate Night TV does not have anything special planned for the holiday, but Stephen Colbert did. On his show, the over-the-top satirist took on the “War on Halloween” going on in the federal government right now. With the spookiness of the season in mind, he also reported to his viewers where they can cook the family cat for dinner just to add some special flair to their macabre celebrations. On The Daily Show Jon Stewart talked about Democrats running from the ghoul that President Obama has apparently turned into this midterms season and gave Texas a song with its name in it that was not “All My Exes Live in Texas.” A recap of all that and more is ahead on Slate Night TV.
The Colbert Report
The citizens of America are used to the “War on Christmas” that gets waged every year by the secular government, but now there is another war on a different holiday. The titular host of The Colbert Report told his Colbert Nation about the new “War on Halloween” being laid as a steaming pile of government on their doorsteps this year. First on the hit list was pumpkin carving with one government website encouraging people to carve a green energy design instead of a traditional triangle for eyes and a toothless grin on their gourds. Colbert’s objection was that no one knew if global warming is manmade just like no one knows if Frankenstein is manmade. According to him, “the mad science isn’t in yet.” Another outrage was the suggestion that people read the labels on the candy they get for trick-or-treaters to check if it contains palm oil. Palm oil production creates harm to habitats which animals depend on. But is that not the point of Halloween? Showing man’s dominance over animals is the point of the Kit Kat bar, which is made of “kittens and kattens,” according to Colbert.
Once he started talking about cats, Colbert segued into the news that the NRA killed a bill in Pennsylvania that would prevent household pets like dogs and cats from being used as meat for food. According to his report, the NRA killed the bill not because it advocates eating pets, but because a provision in the bill banned live pigeon shooting. The organization considered this a “slippery slope” towards “regulated shooting grounds” and apparently a violation of gun rights. Colbert, a satirically staunch conservative, supported the NRA’s decision by buying its president’s new cookbook called 101 Recipes for Your Household Pet,” including favorites such as “beagle with cream cheese.” “Chicken poodle soup” was also on the menu and it was “mmmm mmm, good boy.”
Since he was already talking about Pennsylvania, Colbert decided to talk about the governor’s race in that state between Republican Tom Corbett and Democrat Tom Wolf. While they share a first name, the two men do not share much else, including the support of minorities. Non-white support for Corbett was only nine percent, though Colbert noted he is wildly popular among “albino hedgehogs.” Tom Corbett has so few friends in minorities that he used a stock photo of a black woman photoshopped onto his website. In his defense, the banner image on the website is a graphic that is completely photoshopped, so no one in it is real. Colbert was supportive, saying that Corbett does not just have no black friends, he has to pretend that anyone at all likes him. That may explain Wolf’s 17 point lead in the polls.
Colbert wrapped up the show talking to four-time guest and author Michael Lewis, whose book Liar’s Poker is having a 25th anniversary reprint. Lewis writes a lot about Wall Street and he used to work there himself, so he knew what he was talking about when he told Colbert that he had the one quality needed to succeed there. Colbert immediately responded with, “Balls.” Lewis corrected him, saying, “You’re often wrong and never in doubt.” Colbert summarized by saying he was “balls to the wall.” The two men ended the show by playing Liar’s Poker with a pair of dollar bills. The idea in the game was to lie about how many of a certain number was in the serial number of their dollar. The odds were $1000 dollars to the charity of their choice. Colbert won easily and told Lewis he would be donating to the NRA. Perhaps he will get a cookbook in return for his generosity.
The Daily Show
Jon Stewart kicked off October 28 and The Daily Show’s second day in Texas with his usual sincere flattery calling it the “state that keeps the Mex out of Tex-Mes.” While he was feeling complimentary, he noted that Democrats were not feeling particularly nice towards the president and were, in fact, running as far away from Obama as they could get. Was the president wearing a scary Halloween mask? Was he wielding a chainsaw? No, the simple fact was that no one liked him and if they admitted they liked him they might lose their elections. It is okay, of course, to find out that one friend who was initially really liked is a douche, but that does not mean he can cause an election loss. Stewart pointed out that Democrats were doing that easily enough on their own. In fact, Jeanne Shaheen is running against a candidate who literally said, “Do I have the best credentials? Probably not. ‘Cause, you know, whatever.” How can anyone lose to a guy who admits that he is not the best candidate? Well Shaheen is managing it because she and Scott Brown, her Republican opponent, are virtually tied in the polls leading up to the vote. Stewart, after being absolutely astounded at their ineptitude, advised Democrats to find some way to enjoy themselves because they were going to get killed on election day.
One of the things Democrats might do is listen to The Daily Show’s latest hit single which is an ode to all things Texas. Correspondent Jason Jones partnered with native-West Virginian Brad Paisley to sing their song “The State of Texas.” Brad Paisley’s smooth country vocals were fantastic, but the song cannot be described. It has to be heard to be understood and loved.
The interview on the show was with Texas Democratic Senator Joaquin Castro and Stewart opened with what must have been a burning question. Castro has a twin brother working in Obama’s cabinet so do they ever pull a Freaky Friday on the president? Sadly, they do not. Castro also informed Stewart that he had missed a conference call with Nancy Pelosi and the Democratic congressional delegation in order to prep for the show. “Did she take attendance?” Stewart asked, flabbergasted that he had interfered with the workings of party politics. Castro did not know, but he donated extra money to the DCCC to make up for his absence. If ever there was a moment when his twin brother could have been useful, that was it. Stewart and his guest went into the final commercial break talking about fundraising in politics which made it into the extended interview on the show’s website.
But no recap of October 28’s show would be complete without the Moment of Zen where New York Governor Cuomo suggested that people in Ebola quarantine read his book during their forced vacation. Is that his new advertising campaign? Will Governor Cuomo be giving readings to Ebola patients in protective gear? Who knows, but it is fun to imagine.
Opinion By Lydia Bradbury