Slate Night TV knows that hump day can sometimes feel like the longest day of the week, but it is all downhill from here. For those who fell asleep with the television on last night, Wednesday’s Slate Night Review is looking at Colbert and “The Daily Show” and giving readers something to talk about at the water cooler in the process. If Wu-Tang’s historic performance on Jon Stewart’s show did not wake anyone up, then they can enjoy it here at last.
The Daily Show
Before getting to the beats and rhymes of the great Wu-Tang Clan, Jon Stewart had to cover one Kansas’ senate primary that pitted Pat Roberts against tea party candidate Milton Wolf. The freudian stage-dive of Roberts saying, “Every time I get an opponent… I come home” was pitted against Wolf’s absolute mischaracterisation of Terminators as aliens. Stewart set the erroneous doctor straight on the Terminator, reminding him that Terminators are “time-travelling cyborgs made on earth in our future.” This was apparently enough to disqualify Wolf from holding office, much to Roberts’ good fortune.
Stewart went on then to cover one of the most boring politicians in American politics. Mitch McConnell’s absolute lack of facial expression during a roast by his Democratic challenger Alison Lundergan Grimes. He also criticised Rand Paul’s limerick abilities that were on display at Kentucky’s Fancy Farm affair. Even with a limerick that ended with “Balls balls balls balls balls,” Stewart did a better job than Rand Paul. If the Kentucky senator really does run for president in 2016, then the Slate Night Review advises he not run on his poetic abilities.
The rest of the show was taken up by Wu-Tang Clan who discussed their 20 year anniversary album “A Better Tomorrow” with an obviously delighted Stewart. As the nine musicians went around introducing themselves, Jordan Klepper looking especially pasty jumped in and introduced himself as the tenth member of Wu-Tang. “Jordan Klepper from Kalamazoo, Missouri,” he said. He was summarily sent off the stage by Stewart. The rappers talked about their hopes for the record and how they make such a big ensemble work before giving the show a performance from their new album. For any fans of the Wu-Tang Clan, it was a performance not to be missed. The full interview and performance is in the video for those who fell asleep last night.
The Colbert Report
Conservative parody artist Stephen Colbert was in fine form last night, bringing a little bit of joy to an otherwise depressing news cycle courtesy of “tyrannical North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un. The otherwise straight laced, serious faced tyrant who never “go out or make party” according to his former roommate, was turned into “Kim Jong Fun” at an industrial lube factory. According to Colbert, Kim Jong Un had an emotional time at the factory, enjoying the simple pleasure of mass lubricant manufacture and remembering his father with whom he shared a special bond over slippery substances.
Colbert then took on Rand Paul’s attempts to reach out to minority groups by running away from them. He played the clip of Paul fleeing the scene of Steve King’s fundraiser after two self-identified illegal immigrants from Mexico showed up. Colbert then proceeded to show his informercial for the “Rand Paul-eo Diet.” This diet is so effective that it will take anyone from sitting in a chair to be so skinny they are not sitting in a chair at all. The method is simple: send an illegal immigrant to scare anyone into running away and shedding those pesky pounds.
Before moving on to interview the good-looking redhead Michael Fassbender, Colbert addressed the reason why he is ending his show. And it is all a five-year-old’s fault. The “apparently kid” is the future of broadcasting according to Colbert and the political funnyman simply cannot compete. The other reason is that the news anchor baby already has a catchphrase: “apparently.” This kind of technique is what makes that child qualified to take over for Sean Hannity, whose own catchphrase of “literally” is not nearly as endearing or appropriately used as “apparently.”
Colbert ended the show with an interview with Michael Fassbender, whose new movie has nothing to do with Nazi-hunting mutants, but does have him wearing a funny helmet. The movie “Frank” opens in theaters on August 29 and features Fassbender wearing a paper mache head for 98 percent of his screen time. The movie has a musical theme to it, pitting ambition against talent. Together with Maggie Gyllenhaal, Domhnall Gleeson, Carla Azar, and Francois Civil played a song from the movie that was upbeat, depressing and mildly discordant called “I Love You All.” Fassbender took the stage wearing the paper mache head from the movie and was completely unrecognizable. The actors all played instruments during the performance and were impressive in a medium they are not typically associated with. As they sang in depressing monotone the words “I love you all,” it was hard not to associate it with Paul’s attempts to reach out to minorities while simultaneously running away from them. After Wednesday’s show, the Slate Night Review thinks that song should be Paul’s new campaign theme, complete with bulbous paper mache head.
By Lydia Bradbury